A Question for Deep Thinkers and Mighty Scholars

Why are okies so STUPID?

oklahoma Sucks.

oklahoma, a Third World State

I just spent five days in central Mexico, from Puebla (2 hours East of Mexico City) to Guadalajara (4 hours West of Mexico City). I was traveling with my sales agent there all by car. Guess what? The roads in central Mexico are better than they are in oklahoma. Now the small side streets there are basically crap, but the bigger streets, avenues, highways, bridges and freeways are so much better than oklahoma roads. Mexico is a country of extreme poverty and government corruption (not unlike oklahoma) but at least they manage to build decent roads. How embarrassing.

oklahoma Sucks.

25 Ways to Tell if You're an Okie

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.

24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

oklahoma Sucks.

Catchy Little Song about Okies, an original by me

I'm an Okie, by yours truly...

I'm an Okie and I'm a Schmuck,
When I smile people say yuck!
I love to drive my crappy ole' pickup truck,
I'm and Okie and I'm a Schmuck!

I'm an Okie and I'm dumb,
When I think my brain turns numb!
I can't chew food I can only gum,
I'm an Okie and I'm dumb!

I'm an Okie and I'm a dope,
For me to know better there ain't no hope!
I'm fat, lazy, stupid and I smoke,
I'm an Okie and I'm a dope!

I'm an Okie and I'm inbred,
My Momma and her cousin they did wed!
All us kids are nearly brain dead,
I'm an Okie and I'm inbred!

I'm an Okie and I'm a looser,
My dream car is a PT Cruiser!
My grandpa is an inbred boozer,
I'm an Okie and I'm a looser!

I'm an Okie can't you see,
that one plus one equals three!
My hero is General Lee,
I'm an Okie can't you see!

I'm an Okie and I can't drive,
It's a miracle I'm still alive!
If you see me comin' you better hide,
I'm an Okie and I can't drive!

I'm an Okie and I'm a Schmuck,
When I smile people say yuck!
I love to drive my crappy ole' pickup truck,
I'm and Okie and I'm a Schmuck!

oklahoma Sucks.

The Top 30 Things You'll Never Hear An Okie Say:

The Top 30 Things You'll Never Hear An Okie Say:

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling's fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: drive.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate.

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You All (It's y'all)

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

And, Number 1.: Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.

oklahoma Sucks.

oklahoma JOKE

Q: Why do the oklahoma license plates have OK on them?
A: Because okies can't spell mediocre!

oklahoma Sucks.

Why I hate oklahoma

Its people are stupid.
Its roads are crap.
Its weather sucks.
Its people are apathetic.
Its bridges fall on cars and kill people.
The crime rate is twice the national average.
Its people have no teeth and don't care.
Its elected officials are a corrupt bunch of cronies.
Its people are ignorant.
All anybody cares about is college sports (even though 78 percent of the dumb okies never even went to college).
Its people are self-righteous hypocrites.
Its people are idots.
The education system sucks.
It has one of the highest divorce rates in the U.S.
Nobody gives a damn.
The drivers are terrible.
Its people are rude and unfriendly.
Its people are narrow minded.
Most jobs don't pay worth a crap.
Its people are bigoted.
If you don't have a tattoo your considered weird.
Its people are among the fattest, unhealthiest in the nation.
Its people are lazy.
The road and street signs are horrible.
Its people are morons.
Nobody has the initiative to make changes for the better.
The infrastructure is poorly designed and crumbling.
Pigs (okies) don't know pigs (okies) stink.
In general, it SUCKS.

oklahoma Sucks.

oklahoma OK? NOT

In fact, oklahoma and all it's people SUCK.
Thats right, SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK.SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK

oklahoma SUCKS.